TOP 10 SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN AN ILEOSTOMATE FOR TOO LONG

10.

You get gleeful at the ease of emptying your bag the first time after changing it.

 9.

(For men) You find scratching under the bag to be as natural as scratching your ass in the morning.

 8.

(For women) Spare bag clips make dandy hair accessories in a pinch!

 7.

You draw upside down smiley faces on your bag so something is smiling at you whenever you go to the bathroom.

 6.

You can strip your bed, change your bag and put clean sheets on while still sleeping.

 5.

You name your stoma and your bag and celebrate their birthday.  My bag's name is Phil, my stoma's Thpbbt and their birthday is March 24th... I have a "Bring Your Own Bag" party every year!

 4.

If someone smelt it, you can prove you hadn't "dealt" it.

 3.

You drink a lot of beer and/or soda just to see how quickly the bag will fill with gas.

 2.

You eat certain foods,  like red licorice or lots of pesto, to watch your output change color.

 1.

 When someone says "Man, I gotta take a dump", you proudly say "I'm taking a dump RIGHT NOW!"

11.

You handle the bottom of your pouch to see if it needs emptying without embarrassment in public..